what the bloggery

I HAVE RETURNED. I meant to post this much sooner, as I saw the movie on Friday night and it is now Monday night, but oh well. We got back late and it was a bit of a busy weekend. Besides, right after the movie, I was rather at a loss of what to say. It’s been a day and some change, so now I feel I might have a better chance at articulating how much I freaking loved this movie.

The Golden Army was astonishingly good. It was so beautiful and it, fuck, I want to use the word crafted. I want to crawl inside their world and live there forever. The pacing was fantastic; they crammed so fucking much into two hours that it felt like it was over in minutes and days at the same time. I loved this movie. I think it’s one of the best I’ve ever seen. I’m really, really not kidding. It was amazing. I honestly cannot think of a single negative thing to say about it. I will henceforth regard any such talk as blasphemy D:

I shall start with Nuada. Prince Nuada, if you prefer.

For starters, he’s totally hot. In a pale, Wraith-like way. His character design is unbelievable. The detail. His ornate clothing, his weapon—and that’s just the superficial crap. His opening scene was so fucking amazing. fdhgkhdlkhdflkghds. URGH. Oh, Nuada. I am so in love. Luke Goss, you win at everything. Nuada was so otherworldly and beautiful. His relationship with his sister Nuala bordered a little on creepy and possibly incestuous–and I don’t think I’m the only one who thought so. There was a part where they were talking, and he laid his hand upon her, and the three boys to my right all began to awkwardly clear their throats and cough.

Seriously though, they were freaking gorgeous.

The problem with characters like this in movies like this is that I always end up feeling more sympathy for their side (even if he’s technically the antagonist) and I always root for them to win instead. Besides, I have a weakness for exiled princes. Don’t judge.

There isn’t much to say about Nuala—and not for a bad reason, mind, as I did like her—mostly because so much of the movie was focused on Nuada. Whenever she was involved, the scene usually revolved around her relationship with Nuada or her relationship with Abe. Which was very sweet, by the by. I love Abe so much. He was even better in this movie than in the first. It was nice to see how adorably awkward he was when it came to love. Too bad she died and all. Not to mention that her brother was most likely already hitting that.

You know who else I loved? SELMA BLAIR. I know I said I wasn’t overly fond of her Liz Sherman in Hellboy, but I also said there was a chance I’d like her more in The Golden Army—and shitfuckery, I sure do. She was just so badass. As badass as she was supposed to be. Also, with her new haircut, she was totally hot.

No, no, let me elaborate. I often find romantic subplots incredibly boring. Not this one. Shit no. The first time we see Hellboy and Liz in The Golden Army, they are in the middle of an argument that demolishes an entire fucking hallway. I knew, at that moment, that I was in love.

Their relationship is not nauseatingly perfect. They have to work at it, and work at it, and occasionally they get so mad they blow shit up. I am typically fond of any relationship that operates in such a way.

Oh yeah. So, they got together at the end of Hellboy. Awesome. Really. I did spare a moment to wonder, “Huh, how does that work?” but then I had to stop because it was too weird. However, the writers of The Golden Army, man, they went there, and I love them for it. Liz and Hellboy totally have a sex life. Wow. Just—wow. I’m trying not to think about it. It’s awesome, really, I just don’t want to envision it. The mechanics are slightly boggling.

Er, anyway. Where was I?

Liz: fucking badass, as she was meant to be.

Hellboy: duh, he’s Hellboy. What else am I supposed to say?

(I’ll say this: aside from him kicking Nuada’s elf-lord ass, my favorite scene from the movie is when Abe and Hellboy get wasted over girl problems. Epic. Truly. Oh yeah, and when Johan Krauss beats him up in the locker room. And—okay, there is no scene of Hellboy in this movie I did not enjoy.)

I loved all the fucked up little creatures in this movie. The little toothfairies! SO CUTE AND TERRIFYING. And Wink! I loved Wink! The scary winged thing near the end. Man she was fucking awesome looking. Anyway. I kind of can’t remember where I was going with this.

As excited as I am about seeing Batman on Thursday (and I am really, really excited), I cannot stop thinking about how amazing The Golden Army was, and how much I want to see it again right freaking now.

So I’m stuck here at work until 9. Time to play Mario for the next two hours!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 15th, 2008 at 04:20 and is filed under movies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.