what the bloggery

I am officially three posts behind. Oh well! The internet gods are not often fair. Also it’s been a long time since I was blogging regularly, you know, on the livejournal. How in the ever-loving hell did I find the time? I did start this post last night, but after eating my fill of delicious Nat-baked bread and getting season 4 of Atlantis in the mail, I was sort of distracted.

(Srsly though, that bread was fucking delicious. There were figs and dates and nuts involved. Mmmm. Bread.)

Wonderful baked goods aside, I am here to talk about the Hulk. Let it be on record that, like most comic book movies, I never actually thought I’d go in and see the movie. I certainly didn’t want to see the 2003 Hulk. Matter of fact, I still don’t! For one thing, that one doesn’t have Tony Stark in it. But Iron Man is another post entirely.

So yes—there we are, right after Iron Man, pondering whether or not we should see the Hulk as well. While I do not remember the exact conversation we had that decided our movie-going fate, it probably went something like this:

“It does have Edward Norton in it,” I reasoned.

“Don’t care,” replied Nat, unfazed. “It has Tony Stark.”

“For like five seconds at the end!”

“So?”

“Good point,” I said, for it was a good point. “Tim Roth’s in it, right?”

“EVERYBODY BE COOL THIS IS A ROBBERY yeah okay let’s go see the Hulk.”

And so we did.

—

Don’t quote me or nothin’, but that is most certainly the way I remember it. We went the night after it opened, which probably wasn’t the greatest idea. The theatre crowd we were stuck with were probably all serious movie-goers. They probably did not appreciate that every ten minutes, this could be heard:

“Oh shit Tim Roth,” hissed Nat.

“Seriously,” I would reply.

Ten minutes later:

“Oh shit Tim Roth,” I hissed.

“Seriously,” Nat would reply.

This went on throughout the whole movie. Also, we laughed a lot. Loudly and frequently. Often at odd, awkward things. We were the only two people who cracked the fuck up during the “HULK…SMASH!” scene. It might have been embarrassing if we gave a damn.

We saw it a second time—a week later? Two?—with Jessica from work. This time, the theatre was filled to the brim with nerds. You could tell which ones they were, too, depending on what they laughed at. When Stan Lee appeared (during our first viewing), very few people seemed to notice. During the second viewing, it felt like half the audience burst out laughing. It was good, being surrounded by our fellow geeks.

This time, we were not the only ones to laugh at the Hulk Smash. That was nice.

I haven’t even given my review yet? Here it is: dare I call it incredible? Is that too lame? Do I need to be taken out back and shot?

Let me put it this way, then, to avoid a beating: I paid to see it twice. Granted, I’ve paid to see Iron Man about what, five times now? But the two situations are hardly the same. I rarely see movies in theatres more than once unless they are just that good. And it was! I probably wouldn’t go to see it a third time in theatres, but it was definitely a fun movie. I fully intend to buy it when it comes out on DVD.

TIME TO BREAK IT DOWN:

Bruce Banner:

Oh, alliteration. How precious. I never even referred to him by that name once. Throughout the whole movie I just kept referring to him as Edward Norton. Or Edward-Norton-Hulk. I think he was great, though. The reason I like Edward Norton in general is because he looks like a very average guy. You could pass him on the street and not really notice him. This made him playing the freakin’ Hulk so much cooler. He has this deadpan way of acting that I really like. I could swear I could sense some Sheldon Mopes in his Bruce Banner, though, and if you’ve seen Death to Smoochie I’m sure you know what I mean.

Also I really enjoyed Tim Roth smacking him around. Don’t judge me.

The Hulk:

SHINY. I mean that in the literal sense. Not just during the scene in the rain (although yes, especially then), the Hulk always seemed to be glistening slightly. The graphics were so awesome though. I love special effects, shut up. The only thing that bugged me was his hair. How does the gamma radiation affect dead hair? That is a mystery to me, but oh well, who gives a fuck. I love that they tried to give a reason for why his pants manage to stay on when he transforms—we all appreciate it, I’m sure, although I still cannot suspend my disbelief when it comes to the pants. The cameo scene of his big purple Hulk-pants though, that was cute.

Tim Roth:

OH SHIT TIM ROTH. Seriously, he was the deciding factor in us going to see this movie. I loved him so much. He was so fucking badass through the whole thing. Oh yeah, and very hot. It seemed like he was shirtless through half his scenes, and I am not complaining. The one thing I am complaining about is his dialogue; he did not have nearly enough. They had him talking with some sexy Russian accent and he barely had any lines. This was not fair. I love that he was The Abomination. I think my favorite scene of the whole movie was where Sterns exclaims, “Why are you always hitting people?!” when Blonsky knocked out that SHEILD woman whose name I don’t care about.

General Ross:

He had some kind of Creepy Uncle thing going on with Emil Blonsky. That’s really all I remember about him. Oh, and, “Where does she find these guys?”. That was pretty great.

Tony Stark:

It’s fucking Tony Stark. Where could you possibly go wrong with that? The whole minute he spent in Hulk made it 23.6% better as a film. He came in, was hot, was clever, and then the movie was over and everyone was satisfied. You could just sense it in the air. Mmmm, Tony Stark. Anyway.

The romance:

Ugh, ugh, ugh. I did not enjoy that aspect of it at all. It was so nauseatingly Beauty and the Beast. The only thing that made it worth sitting through was when, just as they’re about to get to the sexin’, Edward Norton sheepishly says, “…I can’t get too—excited.” And I laughed my ass off, goddamnit.

Who am I forgetting?

Arwen:

Wait, wrong movie. I think. Whatever. She’s pretty.

Holy crap I’ve been writing this for two hours. Blargh!

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 10th, 2008 at 21:36 and is filed under movies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.